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Michelle: The Story Of a TG Woman’s Evolution (III)

transgender, TG, TS, transsexual, TG support

Her Goal of Full Disclosure

Now that we had determined we had a good rapport and clicked in a way that felt so natural, Michelle decided it was time to go back to the beginning. So I could better come to know her, she said she wanted me to know everything about her journey, experiences, feeling, and revelations -before, during, and after the time she learned there were terms that described the way she felt and saw herself: “transgender” and “transsexual”.

She wanted to give me the full picture of her life, not just segments, and I encouraged Michelle to share with me any and everything she wanted, even if she thought it might be inconsequential, silly or completely unrelated.

No Detail Is Unimportant

I am well aware that information or memories that may seem insignificant can end up offering keys and insight to who a person is and what has impacted them in both incidental and profound ways.

I knew for Michelle that would likely be doubly true, given that she was transgender and had never opened up to or explored her gender identity with anyone, so I told her to just go with her stream of consciousness, putting out there whatever crossed her mind with no worries about “rambling” or jumping around in time.

The more I know, the better I am able to offer as much help possible.

No Chance to Know She Was Not Alone

She’d never even been able to ask anyone who was transgender or transsexual about their own feelings or lives and when they realized they were transgender, how they coped, if they could find help for TG individuals, if/how they were able to find their personal peace in being TG, and whether they felt they were always subjected to the myriad of erroneous TG myths that our society perpetuates.

While I may not know how it feels to be transgender in any way, I had known many people who self-identified in a way that did not fall in line with society’s black-and-white version of gender where a penis “makes” you a boy, a vagina “makes” you a girl, and therefore, your anatomy should dictate how YOU see yourself. UGH!

Sharing Her Background

Going Back in Time: The Beginning

Michelle explained to me that she had known as far back as she could remember that she was “different”. Everyone called her by a male name and referred to her as a “boy,” but she never “felt” like a “boy” should feel.

During her youth, she had always been drawn to girls – “not like boys usually are,” because she felt she “fit in better with girls” and had a “special connection” to them. She loved the way they dressed, how they interacted together (“like there was this ‘girls’ club’ atmosphere among them), and the way she felt when she was around them. She sensed some “ abstract commonality” she could not describe or explain at the time.

…But she KNEW she felt like one of them, regardless of being told she was a “boy”…

(To be continued…)

TG, transgender, MTF, trans feminine

2 comments to Michelle: The Story Of a TG Woman’s Evolution (III)

  • Ms EmmaJane, thank you for the latest installment. Your story has so far hit on numerous important points with the trans community. I am sure there are many out in the blogosphere impressed with your insights. Looking forward to IV.

  • EmmaJane

    As always, thanks for stopping by, Ms. Cindy! My relationship and experiences with Michelle have been so eye-opening, profound, and memorable for me that I wanted to share her story. Actually bearing witness to the loneliness, isolation, angst, and fear someone suffers from being unable to be authentic, due to the the pressures and judgements of such a large part of our society, small-minded people, and bigoted hatemongers, truly teaches one a sad, hard lesson. At least we can say we offer a place where everyone is free to be him or herself. I know that is only one of the things your callers love about you!! 🙂

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