What Do You Call Your Masturbatory Activities?

I’ve been thinking about our venture into the Land of Compulsive Masturbation, and something occurred to me. During my pondering of the plethora of terms for masturbation, I thought we might have a little bit of fun. I would like you to share with me your favorite words and/or phrases you find yourself most frequently using to describe your “private time.” So, without further adieu, I’m going to throw out a list of colorful masturbatory terminology – some you often hear, some you don’t – and you tell me which ones are a common part of your masturbation vocabulary – and which ones you find as funny and “interesting” as do I!

Commonly Used Jargon for Male Masturbation

Some of the most common terms that seem to be par-for-the-course when describing male masturbation include beating off, jerking off, stroking, beating your meat, blowing your load, and the ever-popular playing with yourself. Other well-known words and phrases include diddling, wanking, fist-fucking, rubbing one out, spanking your monkey, and the generic hand-job.

Describing Your Stroking and Having a Laugh!

Humorous descriptions for masturbating include choking your chicken, playing pocket pool, draining the vein/monster, jerking the gherkin, whipping your willie, and couch hockey for one. More phrases sure to make us all laugh are charming the cobra, answering the bone-a-phone, rounding up the tadpoles, and shaking hands with Shorty. Slap-boxing the one-eyed champ is also more than a bit humorous!

“Head-Scratching” Verbiage for Masturbation

Some of the following comprise the more amusing phraseology: choking Kojak, playing the stand-up organ, riding the Great White Knuckler, and ropin’ the longhorn. As if these don’t elicit enough giggles, we also have fondling the fig, galloping the antelope, hand-to-hand combat, jiggling the jewelry, and loping your mule. Manipulating the mango and tussling with your muscle are phrases I find to prompt an immediate amused look too!

Someone Had Too Much Time on Their Hands…

Some rather “odd” descriptors include bludgeoning the beefsteak, bashing the candle, rubbing the unicorn’s horn, and roughing up the suspect. As if those aren’t unusual enough, we also have squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie, snapping your carrot, squeezing the burrito, ironing some wrinkles, and launching the hand shuttle. Taming the wild hog and waxing the dolphin are also sure to raise an eyebrow or two as well!

While the above-mentioned terms and phrases are far from an exhaustive list for male masturbation, the list here is comprised of some of the “best” – and cause for some hearty chuckles if nothing else! Feel free to throw in your two-cents, and we’ll keep the list growing!

Our final two crossdressing myths will highlight (1) the false notion held by a great number of crossdressers that purging is the answer to bringing their affinity for dressing to a halt and (2) the impropriety of women feeling threatened and/or offended by crossdressers due to the mistaken thinking that a man who crossdresses is insulting and/or ridiculing women in some way. Neither is the case, so let’s find out the truth…

Myth #10:  Purging will stop the desire to crossdress.

Fact: Whether it is done under the auspice of keeping from being caught or asserting that the urge to dress has “passed” or waned, purging everything tied to one’s crossdressing ventures will not stop the cycle or inherent compulsion to wiggle into lingerie and/or full dress. When a crossdresser decides that tossing everything feminine he has will curtail his girly habits, this is simply nothing more than entry into a phase of denial and making the erroneous assumption that ignoring the “habit” or “phase” and removing all remnants of it will put the dresser back on the path of  (what he sees per society’s dictates) “normalcy” and “appropriate” masculine behavior. While the crossdresser may be able to maintain this semblance of “normalcy” for an extended period of time, the desire and longing to dress does not magically vanish (as it is not just a conscious choice as we discussed previously); it simply lies in wait until such time that the crossdresser can no longer ignore its strength and presence. The cycle then begins all over again…

Myth #11: Crossdressing is an insult to, a mockery of or “threat” to women and femininity.

Fact: With regard to such an assumption, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, those who crossdress appreciate and honor femininity to a great extent. They are giving an enormous compliment to women in their attempts to emulate a feminine appearance and accompanying behaviors. Panty boys who simply want to experience the titillating tactile experience of feeling silk, satin or microfiber panties against their skin are showing appreciation for an aspect of the female experience. Sissies openly adore women and show nothing but the highest respect and appreciation for all things girlie. Even the transgender client who identifies herself as a woman and longs to have her external appearance match her internal self is appreciative of “biological” women and their feminine form, dress, style, mannerisms, and so on. If anything, women should find crossdressing to be a most sincere form of flattery and the highest of compliments.

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Our next two myths will be targeting the misconceptions that (1) crossdressing is a rare or uncommon occurrence, even as reported by statistical numbers, and (2) the “big” goal of all crossdressers is to be as passable as possible so he/she can venture out into the public arena and blend into the crowd. Read on to find out the truth of these matters…

Myth #8:  Crossdressing is uncommon.

Fact: While very few empirically-derived, accurate statistics exist that provide information on the true depth of the male crossdressing population, the phenomenon is considered by professionals and “experts” to be markedly underreported and, therefore, the real numbers unknown. However, one can (across multimedia formats) easily and with minimal effort find evidence of extensive crossdressing behaviors and a booming TG population. The number of transgender support and information websites, CD forums, personal blog and webpages, documentaries, and printed materials all attest to the relative size of the CD population in all of its manifestations. Due to the fear of negative responses and consequences of their behavior being openly known and, hence, a compelling desire to keep their “secret” contained, it is no surprise that a more accurate count of the crossdressing population has thus far been impossible to obtain.

Myth #9: All crossdressers have the goal of venturing into public while dressed.

Fact: It is true that there are a number of crossdressers who have a desire to eventually make their way into public at some point, and some who specifically have that goal in mind as part of their crossdressing journey. However, donning women’s clothing –complete with make-up and wig- is an incredibly private experience for many men, and they have no yearning whatsoever to make their way into any public arena at any time in the present or future. They are happy and satisfied slipping into their lingerie and favorite ensemble, and they want nothing more than to experience the comfort of being dressed in their own homes. Some crossdressers never entertain the idea of going out dressed, as that is simply not a part of their personal preference or individual goals.

For an erotic phone sex session with me, Empress EmmaJane, call 800-601-6975.
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Myths six and seven are yet more commonly held beliefs held by those who do not understand crossdressing or the dresser in question. The myths to be debunked today are (1) the erroneous notion that crossdressers consciously and electively choose to have the compelling urge that leads them to dress and (2) the mistaken assumption that (all) crossdressing tendencies and manifestations are dysfunctional behaviors. Now, let’s turn the tables on some more myths!

Myth #6:  The desire to crossdress is a conscious choice.

Fact: Contrary to the false notion of many who do not understand crossdressing, one does not roll out of bed one morning and decide that today is the day for dressing like a woman. This could not be farther from the truth. The great majority of crossdressers report having experienced a curiosity or interest in –usually very specific- items of women’s clothing (most often lingerie or nylons) in childhood or by early adolescence. The first experience dressing was most often borne out of sheer, innocent, and completely non-sexual exploration, prompted by a pure and simple curiosity and/or admiration of women’s clothing. The primary female(s) present in the early lives of crossdressers very often played either a direct or indirect role in their budding development as dressers and resulting evolution into a lifelong aficionado of feminine attire. It is an incredibly rare event when a crossdresser has his very first experience or inclination to dress in adulthood, devoid of any attraction to or curiosity about (dressing in) women’s (under)garments during his developmental years. Regardless of youthful experiences and influences, an adult crossdresser does not arbitrarily or randomly make an elective decision to begin dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex or slip into a pair of panties for no reason whatsoever.

Myth #7:  Crossdressing is a dysfunctional behavior.

Fact: In the psychological realm, “dysfunction” is defined and determined by the degree of personal distress and/or functional impairment that a behavior manifests in one’s daily life (i.e., career, relationship, social, and other life arenas). The act of crossdressing in and of itself typically is not the cause of distress, but rather the anticipated and/or expectations of judgment, censure, and condemnation by others and the maintenance of secrecy in order to avoid such repercussions are the roots of personal discomfort and angst associates with crossdressing. Furthermore, discomfort may also result from fear, the anxiety of potentially being exposed, guilt and shame (which may or may not have been perpetuated by others), and fear of one’s life being ruined due to the misconceptions and misunderstanding by others of the phenomenon of crossdressing. Again, it is not in fact the act of crossdressing itself that cause the distress, but the internal discomfort is a result of the negative consequences (judgment, guilt, stigmatization, hostility, rejection, isolation by loved ones, lack of understanding and support, etc.) one fully expects upon self-exposure or discovery by others of his/her proclivity for crossdressing. All this means that, while certainly crossdressing (as with any other behavior) can be a dysfunctional behavior if it negatively impacts and/or prevents one from attending to the responsibilities and obligations of daily life, this must be assessed on an individual basis; generally labeling crossdressing as a dysfunctional behavior is both an incorrect and inappropriate designation.

For an erotic phone sex session with me, Empress EmmaJane, call 800-601-6975.
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In looking at our next two myths, we will dispel the notion that (1) all crossdressers -despite the degree to which they choose to dress in women’s attire- appear outwardly feminine in some way and are easily identifiable even when not clad in girlie togs and (2) the sole purpose of crossdressing is for the sexual thrill it provides. As with everything in Life, there are NO hard and fast rules, especially where human behavior is concerned. Observing trends and commonalities is one matter; seeking and finding what makes an individual tick is another.

Myth #4:  All crossdressing men are effeminate.

Fact: While some men who enjoy dressing in women’s clothing present as overtly feminine even when dressed in “boy clothes,” there are many men who are devoid of an externally and/or stereotypically manifestation of femininity. In fact, the majority of crossdressers often present a “typical” or even heightened masculine exterior, which completely belies their desire to crossdress as well as any degree of femininity they may long to feel. Once again, every person is unique in his/her appearance, mannerisms, demeanor, and behaviors – including those who do not crossdress!

Myth #5:  Crossdressers wear women’s clothing solely for a sexual charge.

Fact: Yes. It is true that men who experience crossdressing as a “fetish” dress –at least in large part- for the sexual titillation they derive from it. However, even among those men who do dress in women’s garments for such excitement, the strength of the sexual stimulation felt via dressing can vary greatly. For some, the feeling of sexual arousal may be mild at best, while others experience complete exhilaration. For those crossdressers who are transgender and identify themselves as women, the act of wearing women’s lingerie and clothing is done in an attempt to have their external appearance match more closely their personal sense of gender, and sexual excitement is not therein the primary goal – if it plays a role at all.

It is very interesting to note here the number of crossdressers –especially intelligent, well-educated, and/or professional men- who engage in dressing due to the immense sense of stress relief they find in the femininity and stereotypical and societally-reinforced notion of the “natural” soft, sensitive, and (especially) submissive nature of the female sex to which they relate and experience when dressed. While sexual gratification may well be a part of this experience, the mere act of dressing in clothing that represents “traditional” female softness and submissiveness provides an unmatched sense of relief and relaxation for these men who are accustomed to being in control and expected to bear great responsibility during their daily lives.

For an erotic phone sex session with me, Empress EmmaJane, call 800-601-6975.
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Today’s mission is debunking the pervasive -and absolutely untrue- myths that men who enjoy crossdressing (to any extent) are all gay and/or dress in feminine attire because they want to BE women. These are two of the myths on which many of you immediately give me a disclaimer along the lines of “I like to wear panties and stockings and feeling feminine, but I’m not gay” or “I love dressing up and looking very girlie, but I don’t really want to be a woman.” Again, the crossdressing population is a diverse mix and match of purpose, personal experience, sexual orientation, and gender identity. Each crossdresser should be seen as who he or she is as a unique individual…

Myth #2: Most crossdressers are gay.

Fact: This is a commonly assumed and very erroneous presumption. Statistics consistently show that over 90% of crossdressers (or slightly more) –specifically transvestites, not including drag queens or transsexuals- are heterosexual. While certainly there are some crossdressers who are bi-curious, many crossdressing men have wives and girlfriends and report to be sexually attracted to and interested exclusively in women. It is also pertinent to note that identifying as transgender does not imply a certain sexual orientation. Being transgender is an indicator of one’s personal conception of his or her gender association, not his/her sexual orientation.

(That said, as an important aside, I would like to make it crystal clear that bi-curiosity does not make a man gay – or even bisexual, for that matter. Even the occurrence of a homosexual encounter does not mean a man is gay. Let us be clear that sexual behavior does not necessarily define sexual orientation, which falls along a spectrum just as does gender identity. If a gay man has sex with a woman – or 10 women, does that magically make him straight? Of course not! A man is gay if he is sexually attracted only to and prefers sexual interaction exclusively with men. Conversely, if a man clearly prefers sex with women to men –despite a homosexual experience(s)- he is NOT gay. Depending on the weight of his preferences, he may be bisexual.)

Myth #3: Most crossdressers want to be women and/or suffer from gender confusion.

Fact: Again, the degree of femininity and the extent to which a crossdresser identifies his gender as female (or not) varies greatly across the crossdressing population. Just as there are some anatomically defined “men” who identify as women and feel as though they are women trapped in men’s bodies, there are some men who dress and enjoy feeling girly but have no desire to “be” a woman, and there are those who do not feel particularly feminine when they are dressed but simply enjoy the tactile experience of different textures against their bodies. Gender identity –regardless of external appearance or anatomical happenstance- falls along a spectrum from male to female and offers a range of mindsets with regard to self-perceived psychological gender. Furthermore, one’s gender identity is not defined or determined by one’s manner of dress; it is determined solely by one’s own individual psyche.

For an erotic phone sex session with me, Empress EmmaJane, call 800-601-6975.
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You all who are familiar with my blog and writing style know how I have an affinity for posting what I like to call a “series” as opposed to just single, unrelated, individual posts. In that spirit, I am introducing with this entry a series of posts on common misconceptions and myths surrounding crossdressing. Many of you have expressed frustration and concerns over the erroneous ideas that the general population holds regarding crossdressers, so I am penning and dedicating these posts to all of you.

Myth #1:  All crossdressers are the same.

Fact: “Crossdresser” is a general, generic, all-encompassing term, which is used to describe one who enjoys dressing in clothing of the opposite sex. The degrees to which crossdressing men clad themselves in women’s attire can vary greatly. While one crossdresser may desire to wear only panties very infrequently, another crossdresser may prefer to fully dress (even including full make-up and wig) whenever they have the opportunity. Some crossdressers prefer to be minimal in their dressing while retaining their masculine identity (i.e., panty boys or those who enjoy panties and stockings), yet some crossdressers gravitate to flamboyant attire and exhibit ultra-feminine female speech and mannerisms (i.e., my fabulous sissies!). Dressing styles range from soft, classy, sophisticated, and/or conservative to sleek, sexy, and/or slutty to a combination of the two extremes, dependent upon the mood of the dresser. Crossdressers may remain in the closet and indulge only in private or they may venture out in public, trying to look as passable as possible. The bottom line is this: The crossdressing spectrum includes every combination of dress and behavior you can imagine.

Each crossdresser has his/her own unique history with crossdressing behavior (including its origin, beginnings, and evolution) and reasons (of which he may or may not be aware) for desiring to wear items of women’s clothing. Sexual titillation may or may not be the (most) predominant part of the crossdressing experience. Also, the degree of femininity felt through dressing varies in both expression and feeling across crossdressers. The mentality of crossdressing spans a great range, including the following: dressing to experience one’s softer side; experiencing overt sexual excitement;  longing to be humiliated; enjoying the feminization process; genuinely identifying as a female. Given the scope of possibilities, each crossdresser’s goals will depend upon the uniqueness of his/her perceptions, experiences, individual personality, and circumstances.

Note: Relevant literature generally breaks the catch-all term “crossdresser” down into the following: transvestites, drag queens, and transsexuals. (I will elaborate on the differences among these types of crossdressers in an upcoming entry.) Within the following posts, I will be using the term “crossdresser” to refer only to men who have a proclivity for dressing in various articles of women’s clothing (from panty boys to sissies) but do not have “real” transgender issues involved. When including crossdressing clients who are transgender in their self-perception, I will specifically use the “transgender” term for distinguishing purposes.

For an erotic phone sex session with me, Empress EmmaJane, call 800-601-6975.
Must be 18+ to call.
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After careful searching and scrutiny, you and your partner placed your order and eagerly awaited the arrival of your special strap-on shipment. When it showed up at your door, you could hardly wait to tear your parcel open and inspect the harness and dildo(s) contained therein. Of course, you vowed to perform this special unveiling ceremony together, so the oohs and ahhs could be shared – and shared sighs of excitement there were when you took your goodies out and began examining them. Now… You have to tools you need for your new anal adventure, so it’s time for the real fun to begin!

Before you begin, ensure that you have some quality lube – preferably some that is made especially for ass play. Rule Number One is this: Do NOT be stingy with the lube. You must use it liberally in order for it to provide the ease and comfort that it is intended to do. While I personally prefer and use only J-Lube, a lube that comes in powder form to which water must be added until the desired consistency is achieved, there are several excellent lubes –including Gun Oil and Boy Butter- on the market produced with ass play in mind. Once you have your lube in hand, you are ready to prepare yourself for your role as the receiving end. (Pun very much intended!!)

In order to have this experience be as much as team effort as possible, allow your partner to do the lube honors – or at least have her help you. You will want to lube your waiting hole in at least (in my opinion) in a full two inch radius all the way around and out from the center. To make the impending activities even easier, you and/or your partner should lube a finger or two and gently slide then between one to two inches inside of your ass and slowly rotate them in a circular motion in order to get you wet just on the inside. Remember, too much lube is better than not enough!

Once this procedure has been thoroughly completed, it’s time for her to get strapped in and you to assume the position. Next stop: Strap-on sex!!

For an  erotic phone sex session with Empress EmmaJane, call 800-601-6975
Must be 18+ to call
Calls are $2.50 per minute with a 10 minute minimum
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