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The Profundity and Importance of Acceptance (Part Two)

Passing the Buck Back Where It BelongsTG, transgender, bigender

In trying to help those who are transgender (or even a sissy or crossdresser, for that matter) begin moving away from internalizing the nasty judgments of others, I think it is important to take a look at why external factors need to be put in their proper place. After all, awareness of the motivations of others can change the way in which we react to them AND to ourselves.

TG or not, we can all subject ourselves to self-scrutiny, but we do not have to allow others acts of self-judgment to replace our own best, personal, positive self-assessment and ultimately our own self-acceptance.

Understanding a Not-So-Pleasant Side of Human Nature

We all need to understand that, as social animals, human beings are built to have a need for acceptance by others. What a beautiful world it would be if differences could be embraced and acceptance automatic…

However, humans very sadly have a proclivity for harshly judging others, especially when they feel threatened or afraid; fearing what/who they cannot readily label or understand; and acting out as a result of that fear, due to deep-seated issue with their own self-images and senses of self-identity and worth.

In today’s world, identifying as TG -whether bigender, transsexual or any other of transgender identity– can certainly be like having a bull’s eye painted on your back when it comes to judgment and censure – but why?

What’s With All the Drama?!

The casting of aspersions upon others is all too often driven by a stormy and torturous inner world, one in which confusion, fear, guilt, doubt, shame, and self-loathing result from and perpetuate conflict between who one is and who one does not want to be.

The concept of “who I must be” is typically imposed upon an individual by society, culture, religion, friends, family, and so on. Unfortunately, those external expectations can and often do demand conformity and threaten some form of sanction should one not be who he or she is “supposed to be”.

(The transgender caller I mentioned in Part One can tell you about the horrific experience of being assaulted by every single one of the aforementioned variables! However, while she has always played her “proper role as a male,” she has never turned her angst or desperation on anyone but herself.)

Learning About Others, Learning About Yourself

Sometimes when you can recognize and call out motivations for inappropriate, unacceptable, and hurtful attitudes and actions, it can be doubly beneficial in helping you reframe how you feel about your treatment by others as well as by yourself! (For Pete’s sake, you’re transgender, not a serial killer!!)

Treating yourself in a harshly critical, judgmental, and/or condemning way can happen for the same reasons that others treat you poorly – and if taking a closer look at the reasons why others would oppress you with their judgments can help you free yourself from your own self-judgments, then it is certainly worth your time and effort!

As En Vogue would say: Free your mind, and the rest will follow!

TG, transgender

6 comments to The Profundity and Importance of Acceptance (Part Two)

  • You are so right, Ms. EmmaJane. When we’re criticized it’s so much more about the other person’s crap than who we are or what we’re doing–but it’s hard to keep that in mind when we’re in the middle of feeling bad. I’m so glad you wrote this post! 🙂

  • As always, Ms. EmmaJane your post is profound, compassionate and caring. My heart goes out to those who are “different” and had to suffer through it all. You are right about a target on their back. Such a wonderful post, I hope your callers know how much you love them…ALL of them! xxoo

  • EmmaJane

    Thank you so much for the kind words, Ms. Meredith! That means so much coming from you because I know how much you’re loved for being so caring and accepting!!

    I know you’ve also had the same experience of hearing those heartbreaking stories from wonderful people who have been labeled, stereotyped, misunderstood, and -Let’s just call it what it is- punished throughout their lives for daring to wish to live an authentic life, which others don’t get and don’t want to get.

    An invaluable service for which some seek us out is one that is really very simple and easy: We listen, accept, and support them. As strong and enlightened women, we can make such a difference to those unfairly tagged as “outsiders,” “oddballs,” “freaks, and “misfits” – and it is absolutely astounding how offering something so basic and humane can make all the difference in the world to one who needs acceptance more than anything else.

  • EmmaJane

    Oh, Ms. Piper, if anyone understands the point I was making about other people unfairly throwing their own baggage at others, I know you do. You are so kind, empathic, and compassionate, and the caring and concern you possess is so apparent in your voice and words. You are so… real! Let me just testify about that from personal experience!! 🙂 Thank you so much for chiming in, you amazing woman!

  • Mistress Emma Jane

    You are much more than a sex goddess.You are a sincere ,kind ,thoughtful person.In addition your intellectual abilities make one want to converse with you.
    Life is indeed about relationships and you have so much to offer others .You are a true treasure a rare nugget.You define true friendship.

  • EmmaJane

    You bring such smiles to my face, Gigi. I have my moments. 😛 Thank you for sharing such lovely and touching sentiments. You’re a real sweetheart.

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